Photo CreditThere is so much debate over the media's impact on women and self esteem. On the one hand, we are supposed to love our bodies, no matter what the shape or size. Embracing ourselves just the way we are seems to be a common theme among talk show hosts and columnists alike. On the other hand, however, we are bombarded with messages that we need the latest this or that to make us thinner, prettier, younger, healthier, richer, more popular, etc. Whew! It can really confuse even the most grounded of girls out there.
As a school counselor, I see many young women and men who struggle with self-image on a daily basis. As a counseling intern, I remember co-leading a girl's group on self esteem when we began to talk about body types. The goal of the session was to help the girls identify the ways in which the media uses advertising to get us to feel a certain way about ourselves so we buy their products. One girl made a comment about "skinny models" and the other girls quickly jumped on board, ready to bash any woman they found among the pages who was tall and thin. Just then, the counselor I was working with made the comment that we must be careful about going too far in the other direction, that there are some women out there who are naturally tall and skinny just like there are those who are more pear shaped or "big boned". It was a light-bulb moment for me to think about what she was saying.
So often we are taught that real women are not skinny or thin or model-like at all. Real women have curves, hips, thighs, meat on their bones. But, the counselor was right. Some women are just naturally small. Does that mean they are no longer "real"? What is real? Why do we as women feel that we can only be validated if we devalue someone who is different? I say ALL women are real women.
I walked away from group that day, hoping that the girls took away the same message that I did. You don't have to stand in opposition to something or someone to find the beauty within yourself. Someone else does not have to become ugly or less than just so you can be worthy. I guess in the same way, we can apply this to other beauty standards like skin color or hair type/texture. One does not have to be made bad so that the other is good. Light is not better than dark, dark is not better than light. Equally, natural is not better than permed just like permed is not better than natural. It is all good.
What's your opinion?
"You don't have to stand in opposition to something or someone to find the beauty within yourself. Someone else does not have to become ugly or less than just so you can be worthy. "
ReplyDeleteWell stated. Just like you said, we often go too far in the other direction when defending a group that has been mistreated or judged. I come from a family of tall, thin women. I've grown up with people telling me that I need to eat more and assuming that I don't need to go to the gym to be healthy etc etc. All women no matter what their body type should only be concerned with being their own most healthy, beautiful selves in their own way and not worry that someone who doesn't look like them makes them any less beautiful.
I totally agree,all women are real. The ideal body shape is one which the woman feels comfort in. The biggest problem in society is that too many men and women have no real problems and therefore focus inwardly and pick on themselves.
ReplyDeleteI really think that even if a person is not happy with their current weight, this is no reason to be generally unhappy and let that dictate your life. Go out, read a book, find a cause to be passionate about. Do something every day to gain or lose the weight (whatever floats your boat), be happy in the skin you are in and thankful that you get another day.
Thank you for this post. I hear the "real woman" comment far to often. i am naturally thin and healthy and I am also curvacious, with ample breasts and hips. I pisses me off that most big women think that thin women all have some sort of eating disorder and fat women would rather bash us than work on their own body/body issues. I'm not gonna trash anyone, but I don't want to be talked down to because I happen to be slim, either. I think everyone just needs to get to their healthy weight. Anyone who is unhealthily skinny or fat just needs to tend to their issues and stay out of the debate.
ReplyDeleteI remember seeing a similar topic on another blog and thinking the same thing - there are some people on the street who just happen to look like thoses people in the magazine and on the billboards. Just because they only choose to show one look doesn't mean that there's only that one look - but we can't pretend that look doesn't exist as well.
ReplyDeleteI think I'm trying to say 'I agree' >.<
Thanks so much for touching on this subject. I am skinny, have been my whole life, and I hate the concept that "real women have curves." For one thing, just because I'm skinny doesn't mean I don't have curves. And as you said, all women are real women.
ReplyDeletethank you!
ReplyDeletefirst and foremost..
secondly, a real woman who can love, appreciate, and embrace herself-flaws and all and have knowledge that the pain she goes thru or messy situations she finds herself in are only to assist her in her expansion..
Good Question..
Love and Light!
I liked this post. I'm a naturally thin girl, and I guess average height (5'5-5'6). I always have mixed feelings where women's weight issues are concerned. It's nice to hear that all bodies (big or small) are beautiful. But all too often, girls like myself are ridiculed or in your words "not real". Monique is a "proud" and prime example of this, yet she lost a significant amount of weight. I'll end my post here since I can't put my thoughts into writing without being offensive.
ReplyDeleteI think you're absolutely right. I get bashed a lot by my own family about my size. I'm the skinny Bi***. I hate it because I do make it a point to live a healthy lifestyle and I am a small woman, but I don't talk or judge anyone else about the way they choose to live or present themselves. Its like I'm not considered a sexy woman because I don't have a "donk" like they do. Everyone is beautiful and sexy to someone some where. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
ReplyDeleteErm... I disagree. Light, dark, big, small, etc are all human features that people are randomly born with.
ReplyDeleteRelaxed hair is a choice... the WRONG choice.
Natural hair IS better than permed/relaxed hair. This is not up for debate. It simply is.
I forgot to add.
ReplyDeleteNatural hair IS better than relaxed hair.
The same way unbleached skin IS better than bleached skin.
Great post. I've also noticed the subtle implications that "real women" must be super curvy and voluptuous. And it doesn't help when many of the women revered in our community fit this ideal, e.g. Halle, Bey, Nicki Minaj,...
ReplyDeleteI don't believe there's such thing as a "real woman." Real women are the ones we see around us every day, and they range from one end of the spectrum to the other.
I agree. There are women who are naturally quite small. Those women are just as much "real women" as curvy women are. All women are "real women". Allowing for difference in body shape and size will help women and girls have much better self-esteems.
ReplyDeleteThanks for this post! I appreciate someone who gets it!
ReplyDeletewww.fashionablyblack.blogspot.com
people tend to have a tit for tat attitude. the beauty standards of fair skin, silky straight hair, and thin or small women to some extent came about by devaluing dark skin, kinky hair, and curvy or large women; in some cases by those individuals and in many cases, by societ. so to some, the only way to regain appreciation for the latter is to devalue light skin, straight hair, and small frames. that shouldn't be the case, but sadly human nature dictates that we tend to attack those we feel attacked by, even if it's all in our heads. while it's great to try to teach appreciation for all things instead of entitlement because we fall on one side of the fence or the other, i fear this arguement will go on forever because society is not at a state where appreciation for all is preached.
ReplyDelete"One does not have to be made bad so that the other is good." This is 100% true. Once we all get this, the world will be better off. ;)
ReplyDeleteErica @ African-AmericanBrides.com
Thanks for this post. I'm also thin and in high school I would practically over eat in hopes of gaining weight and being "thicker". At 25, I've come to love myself and my slim curves. But I definitely work with and meet people that still try to degrade me to make themselves feel better about their bodies.
ReplyDeleteLike the other comments state. This is obvious in the hair debate as well. Why degrade natural hair to make someone feel better about relaxing theirs, and vice versa.
We need to simply accept ourselves for who we are... In all of our flawed loveliness!