What do you think? Has this ever happened to you? Do you catch yourself having critical thoughts about women who choose to straighten? Have you even been accused of it? One of the points made by some of the people in the film is that hair is just another way for women, especially Black women, to try and one-up each other. Like breast or butt size, skin tone, and weight. Like we should not 'hate' on other women for the choices they make about their bodies and lifestyles. It's complex and I'm sure you have some very interesting opinions. As always, guys jump right in on this one too!
Sunday, October 25, 2009
What's Your Opinion: Are We Stuck Up?
Ladies. Weigh in for me. Are we natural haired women stuck up? Like hair snobs because we have left the creamy crack behind? I actually went to see Chris Rock's Good Hair last night with my mom, on a whim, and I think we were the only two women with natural hair in there. I didn't pay much attention at first but as time went on, I noticed myself laughing at parts (and there was no one else laughing) or crinkling my nose at things that I deemed ridiculous (like spending $1000 for a weave when you don't have lights). Then all of a sudden I got self-conscious. I began to wonder if when the lights came on, the non-natural ladies in the room would look at me with a critical eye, like I thought I was 'above' them for not dealing with the bull crap that can come with relaxers and weaves. I don't know. I just got a weird feeling and wondered if I, on some level, am stuck up about hair.
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I don't think we are stuck up and honestly I feel we spend more time worrying about not offending the pro relaxer pro weave crowd than they spend worrying about offending us. Plus most of us have no place to be judgemental since we used to have relaxers.
ReplyDeleteAgree with the lady...to an extent. while i feel like we *shouldn't* judge because most of have used relaxers, i feel like it's still something we do. the last thing i wanted to do was become a "natural hair nazi" but i can't help but get really angry when my friend will talk about how, "i tried natural hair and it did not work for me" or make excuses like "my head is too big" and then drive home from university just to get a relaxer. or my other friends, whose hair has broken off so much that she can't put it in a ponytail and it's thin and brittle. it makes me angry, how can you hate your own beautiful hair SO MUCH that you go through so much unnecessary bull? or when they'll admire some white girl with a downright *ugly* hairstyle, but frown upon their natural hair...yeah, it pisses me off. and maybe i do think i'm better than such ignorance.
ReplyDeletei also roll my eyes at people wearing somebody ELSE'S hair down to their butt and in the lightest color possible. you aren't cute, you look like a fool and i wish someone looking like that WOULD make a snide remark about my TWA.
i don't get too mad at girls with relaxers or straightened hair, maybe a few tracks here and there, etc as long as they don't do the above. so maybe i am stuck up, but only because i'm tired of the self-hate.
I went to see Good Hair with my good friend last night and had the same experience. We are both natural. Towards the end of the movie, we realized that we laughed the whole way through the movie and we were the only ones laughing for most of it. After the movie we discussed whether or not there were other naturals present.
ReplyDeleteI think that over two years into natural hair has made me a snob as if I am above the ridiculous (buying 1000 dollar weaves and applying caustic chemicals to my scalp). I don't mean to be a snob but I do feel to a degree, more enlightened.
I understand what you mean when you said you were laughing at parts in the film and others weren't. I dont feel like being natural makes me a snob, but at the same time I will not hesitate to check someone if they try to me feel like I made a foolish decision in going natural. Most naturals already know the dangers of relaxers and decided to not pursue that route anymore. Same goes for weaves and wigs there's nothing wrong with them but when paying for a hair appointment takes precedence over paying you light bill there's a huge problem. (Like I would ever pay a G for someone else's hair). I feel like since we know better we should do better, and that includes educating ourselves and others on these issues with our hair.
ReplyDeleteI dont agree with the first poster... saying that we spend more time trying not to offend the pro relaxer crowd. Forget that! If that was true, why go natural if your are just going to worry about that? I think that we may be a bit more stronger to defy what is normal.
ReplyDeleteI won't say it's being "stuck up" but I think it does have to do with a certain level of self satisfaction. It's not easy breaking the binds of what is considered the norm on any level. And there should be a certain pride that comes along with that.
ReplyDeleteI feel there is somewhat of a correlation between natural hair and intelligence, more so mental curiosity.
To never question the reason why you feel the need to always apply relaxer to your new growth illustrates mental incuriosity to me or a follower's mindset.
Being stuck up would be bashing people and giving them unwanted advice, but if you should feel like laughing bc you can't conceive why the majority behaves a certain way, then that is something to be happy about not self conscious.
"It is not worth an intelligent man's time to be in the majority. By definition, there are already enough people to do that
This was really interesting because I too have wondered the same question about myself! While I agree with thelady in THEORY that "we have no place to look down on those who still use relaxers, because we have used them too", in my own life I have found myself uneasy when discussing the subject of hair with other black women who wear weaves or use chemicals. I try not to offend them especially when the "What made you go natural?" question comes up.
ReplyDeleteEven when I watch things such as the Tyra Banks episode on "Good Hair" where women bragged about how adding weave or relaxing their daughter's hair made it easier to manage and helps her "fit in," at school, I do find myself shaking my head in disgust and disbelief at such foolishness. Or even chuckling when women get offended by the suggestion that they just might be addicted to the "creamy crack" and don't even know it.
I guess this is where the divide comes because many black women have given ME strange looks, and sometimes hurtful comments for not relaxing mine(especially when I was going through that awkward transition phase). But overall many women (black and white alike) have been super supportive and positive about my transition to natural hair.
So does this make me a natural hair snob? Maybe. But if it does, I know one thing for certain-
Black women with natural hair and relaxed hair have both been guilty of looking down on each other in one form or another because of what they choose to do with their hair. The important thing is that become more honest with ourselves so that we can recognize when we are guilty of it in order to change our bad habits toward each other in the future.
Even when I was relaxed there was no way I was going to spend $1000 on weave. Further to that, I wouldn't spend a penny before I paid off my bills.
ReplyDeleteI think there are plenty of relaxed ladies who would equally find this ridiculous
However, in general, yes I do think some naturals are very stuck up. I think this is shown when people are completely intolerant of opposing views - we have all seen relaxer bashing on relaxed ladies sites but I have actually never seen relaxed ladies coming to a natural site 'advising' how we should all relax our hair.
Y'all are so right! I walk around feeling more proud b/c I'm ahead of the game, compared to my sisters who can't go 5 weeks without touching up their roots and are spending all that time and money at the salon. I feel free and I love the stares! It's the first time I welcome what might be other people's negative thoughts about me and my hair. The only reason I won't say it's nappy is that that word suggests that my hair is not manageable- it's very manageable. It's also healthy and I still have a hairline!
ReplyDeleteI'm not gonna lie, sometimes I feel more enlightened than women with relaxers/weaves. I'm aware of my feelings and preference for natural hair and try not to be stuck up about it.
ReplyDeleteLeslie this is a great question! And it is one I have asked myself in the past.
ReplyDeleteThis is what I came up with..
Going natural is a big step and not everyone is ready at the same time. The sister with the weave today could be rocking a fresh Big Chop 'DO' next week. So you never know what is going on with a woman even if she does have a weave. So I just stay away from thinking judgmental thoughts.
I'm glad that I am free. Glad I crossed over into Curly-Kinky Land. And I hope to encourage other women to do the same. I wanna take my experiences and use them to help out the next sister.
Peace
Naturals vs. the permies...hum...
ReplyDeleteI'm on my second go-around for being natural, and I can say that the first time I was 19. I was "enlightened". I hung around other "enlightened" folks. "Going natural" was something that bonded many of the girls on my campus together. We searched for hair help together. When off campus, other people thought I had become militant, simply by wearing a TWA. Some thought I was making a political statement. Natural hair websites often referred to those with relaxers as being "permies"; the "unenlightened". In the end it felt like a worldwide natural hair clique had formed.
After 10 years or so of being natural, I decided to relax my hair again. That time I felt that I was making a conscious, informed choice about what I was doing. And yet, I still felt the need to justify it to my natural family/friends, just like to my relaxed friends/family when I decided to go natural years ago. That's ironic.
Now that I'm natural...again, sporting my TWA at 33, I have realized that for me I'm doing what I believe is best for me and my hair, not what everybody else thinks. I'm not a posterchild for anybody, whether relaxed or natural. It's everybody's personal choice what they decide to do.
Please take a moment to check out my documentary film BLACK HAIR
ReplyDeleteIt is free at youtube. 6 parts including an update from London, England.
It explores the Korean Take-over of the Black Beauty Supply and Hair biz..
The current situation makes it hard to believe that Madame C.J. Walker once ran the whole thing.
I am not a hater, I am a motivator.
Plus I am a White guy who stumbled upon this, and felt it was so wrong I had to make a film about it.
self-funded film, made from the heart.
Can it be taken back?
Link
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p96aaTSdrAE
I am natural, but sometimes, I feel that natural women act very stuck up. Its unfortunate because I used to feel that was how women with relaxed hair or weaves acted, and I thought maybe natural women would be more accepting, but its actually not true at all...so really we just act the same way many of us were acting when we were relaxed... we continue to have this mentality of superiority over are sisters. its quite sad...
ReplyDeletewhy is it so wrong to have relaxed hair or wear weaves? everyone has a choice to do whatever they feel about their hair. why does one have to be better than the other? there a many women who have very healthy relaxed hair and who aren't crazy obsessive (*Cough "$1000...*). its horrible when we say that women who relax their hair are addicted to "creamy crack" and when that natural haired women have "nappy hair." both sides are using degrading terms to describe each other.
natural women think that their beauty is better than relaxed beauty, which is unfortunate because the whole reason many of us went natural (well at least me) was to accept all types of beauty...
@JC No, I haven't seen relaxed ppl visiting natural sites urging us to relax but I have witnessed may relaxed ppl saying that natural hair is unprofessional. This statement is equally (if not more) damaging than natural-haired ladies warning relaxed-haired ladies on the danger of chemically processing their hair.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I'm snobbish or at least not intentionally. I've definitely observed snobbery on both ends of the spectrum though.
The Black community in this country hardly owns any infrastructure , black people are mainly consumers but yet billions of dollars can be spent on relaxers weave etc when they have perfectly good hair growing out of your scalp! It’s astonishing to me that people are this blinded and have no regards for the truth or logic. It’s astonishing to me that this is a culture. It’s astonishing to me that when a black women doesn’t relax her hair it’s called “natural hair” whereas every other ethnic group just calls it “hair”. It’s astonishing that something so basic as hair, that every human being on earth essentially has is the hardest thing for our women to accept about themselves.
ReplyDeleteAnd you feel it's being snobbish, no I think it's being honest.
I hate topics like this because it often feels like it's just another forum for some naturals to justify their relaxer-bashing by saying stuff like they're just being honest, or they're enlightened, or they're mentally curious. And through that I feel like they're still just turning their noses up at relaxed women.
ReplyDeleteI'm relaxed. And I HATE the assumption that relaxed women are uneducated about the dangers of relaxers. I HATE the assumption that we all relax at 5 weeks the second we see new growth. I HATE the assumption that all of us have unhealhty hair simply because we relax. I also HATE the assumption that all women who wear weaves have damaged relaxed hair underneath it. I've seen a lot of naturals wear weaves, especially in the winter, to protect their tresses. There is nothing wrong with that. (however, paying $1000 for a weave is absurd whether or not you have a light bill to pay.) And furthermore, not all naturals are educated about haircare. The ones you find on the online forums might be, but there are plenty offline that haven't tapped any resources yet and have no idea how to care for their dry and damaged tresses.
There are some self-hating women within the black community that relax for all the wrong reasons but not all women who relax are self-hating. Some of us did our research, weighed our options, dabbled in the world of the unprocessed and still made the conscious choice to relax.
Natural and Relaxed women BOTH need to stop the "Othering" of one another. It really just isn't that serious. There are much bigger issues for people of color to tackle.
I'm sorry but I have extreme trouble reconciling that most people who relax their hair aren't self hating or unenlightened.
ReplyDeleteWhy?
Because you can use other ethnic groups as a control group. I don't know too many Asian, or Caucasian people who choose to chemically alter their own hair texture out of "choice" or by any other reason at that.
The reasons black women alter their hair are:
1. Out of routine (-intellectual incuriosity, ignorance, complacency, abiding by the "norm" and satisfaction of the status quo)
2. Feeling that their innate hair texture is not "manageable" (Although the overwhelming majority haven't been natural since their toddler years so they wouldn't even know that to be fact)
3. Feeling that their innate hair texture is inferior, aesthetically wise, to the relaxed hair texture that they achieve by relaxing (Essentially, "It just looks better" or "natural hair doesn't look good on me")
Did I miss something? Oh and please, simple "choice" isn't a valid reason for anything much less this phenomena.
So essentially the reasons above either equate to self-hate or intellectual incuriosity in my opinion. And I feel that's irrefutable.
Choice must be based on valid reasons, and those reasons I listed above are the only conceivable reasons that I can name and incidentally, the common reasons that I have encountered from relaxed women.
So yeah, I'm not going to lie. You are your hair, your mindset shapes your decisions about virtually everything you do in life and the way you choose to carry your hair is included.
But by all means, keep relaxing. Please, keep doing so for us natural ladies to shine and be our unique and true beautiful selves.
If you feel that I am wrong then base it on actual evidence rather then your feelings and whimsy. In other words, try not to use ad hominems.
@FlowerChild: I feel your pain, girl, and I agree that we "need to stop the OTHERING of one another". It needs to stop people!
ReplyDeleteI have a question though. Why are you reading natural hair blogs?
I don't think we are stuck up either. I can speak for myself: ever since I stop using chemicals and excessive heat, and educated myself, the more passionate I became about "natural things".
ReplyDeleteOne of my bffs and I were having a convo about the thickness of natural v relaxed hair. We were disagreeing (the most confrontation we've ever had. lol). During our "heated" discussion she kind of hinted at me that I think that natural hair is better, etc. (not to toot my own horn) But she has since BC'd and where's her hair natural. The main point for me is that hair is healthy, and that we as Black women have an understanding of who we are and what truly defines our beauty and not what the media tells us what true beauty is :D
@Chidi - Lol. So your feelings are now factual evidence? I didn't realize that you had carried out studies and did ethnographic research on the matter. I'd love to read your published and/or unpublished work.
ReplyDeleteI will keep relaxing because at the end of the day it is my choice to do so. My choices can be based on whatever reasons I want them to be based on. The last thing they should be based on is your opinion (which, by the way, is not evidence). And the beauty about me being me and you being you is that neither of us have to justify our actions to ANYONE.
I like natural hair, which is the reason why I subscribe to some natural hair blogs (Still love your blog, Leslie!). I even like my own natural hair and have close to zero trouble managing it. Will I go natural again? Probably. But I won't do it for "natural nazis" and bullies. If in your head you're trying to envision a world where all women have chemically unaltered hair then you should try a different method of getting your point across. You just come off as snarky and rude.
@luvmekurlz - thanks. i personally feel like hair care is hair care. just because my hair is currently relaxed doesn't mean that i can't learn things from ladies that don't relax. i'll be the first person to admit that i've learned tons from natural hair care sites, more than i've learned from relaxed hair care sites. i also follow natural hair blogs because i've gone natural before and plan to do so again at some point.
ReplyDeleteI Have never had a relaxer and I don't look down upon those that do. I have a natural confidence in myself and my hair thas was instilled in me since I was young. I love my hair and honestly do think it looks better than other women's hair who I see on a regular basis (even other naturals). When it comes to weaves and relaxed heads w/ see-through ends, damage, breakage, etc... I don't feel superior or judge them, I just KNOW that my hair looks much better than theirs ever will with that mess in their head. I don't think I'm stuck up though, but I have been accused of thinking I was "all that" when I was growing up b/c I had "good hair". Hey, blame it on my mama...its the genes baby.
ReplyDeleteWOW if CHIDI hasn't posted one of the most ignorant comments i've ever read, i don't know who has.
ReplyDeleteThis is an older post but I feel a need to chime in.
ReplyDeleteI've been wearing my hair relaxed for many years. At first it was because my aunts pressured my mom into having it done around 12 and then because I knew how to take care of it and I saw no reason to change my routine.
There are plenty of educated relaxed ladies out in the world (myself included) who have done research and know how to take care of chemically processed hair. My own hair is APL and i've met other ladies online who's hair is MUCH longer and healthier and thicker than my own.
I've decided to transition back to natural because I want to see what my natural texture is like and i'd like to master taking care of my own hair. I'm excited about the journey but not excited about some of the hair nazis natural or relaxed that I may encounter.
As black women we need to build each other up and not use hair as a reason to tear each other down.
Well said!
ReplyDelete